that moment when your favorite characters in the book just kissed. and it is indeed a happy ending…
It’s been a while since I’ve posted something about you. It is because I think everything I said before was too much, that it could already break something I hope to last.
It’s been a year since I met you. You are still the same person that I’ve met before physically, but my insights on you have been changed. I thought of you as a person I’d describe as ‘cute’, yet now, I not only like you for your looks, I like you for who you are on the inside. You’re very interesting. Talking to you is, and was, not a bore. And it wasn’t a bore back then not because of the fact that every word you say gave me spine tingling sensations, but because you’re very natural. You didn’t hide anything, you took pride in who you are. This is one of the reasons I admired you. You showed your true skin instead of that thin layer of plastic covering your whole you.
Another thing is that your personality isn’t that of a normal teenage boy. I once thought that we were similar, but now, you have made me realize that these similarities are nothing but similarities. These similarities were one of the reasons why I admired you, and it’s also one of the reasons why I wanted to talk to you. I’ve never met a person that likes most of the things I like. Sure, I’ve met people that like some of the things I like, but they usually like only one of them. You, you like more than that. It’s as if these similarities brought us together, but I won’t believe in that kind of crap because I know that we’re not meant for each other. This admiration of mine is mostly one-sided, and I can say that I prefer it that way. And my feelings for you being mutual would never happen, anyway.
Third is that you had that sparkle in your eyes. I know that it may seem cliche, but I ain’t even kidding about this one. Whenever I saw you, you seemed to be ecstatic about everything, as if you were on some sort of drug, and that drug is happiness. Little did I know that this sparkle in your eyes concealed the sadness within you. I don’t know if you’re happy right now, but I’d love to turn that frown upside down. It’d be an honor, really. It seems that you looked optimistic but you were really the opposite. I hope you’ll find that person who’d make you see things in an optimistic way. And back then, I hoped that it would be me. But that wouldn’t happen, wouldn’t it?
Fourth. You are so fucking unique and you should know that. I haven’t met a person like you and I bet it would stay that way. In a crowd, you’d stick out like a sore thumb, but in a good way. You seem like a dull white canvas on the outside, but inside, you’re full of color. It’s as if your colors would burst out of you in any minute. These colors aren’t meant to be hidden. And you’re doing a pretty good job of sharing it to the world.
Fifth. You seemed pretty okay with me admiring you. Remember the time when I told you? I’d love to know how you felt. I’m sorry if I bug you at times, and I’m sorry if I tried too hard back then. Trust me, I’ve learned my lesson.
Despite these five reasons, there’s also this one reason why I’ve given up on you. I’ve realized that, whatever I do, you wouldn’t be the person that’ll sweep me off my feet and eat pizza slices with me at 3 am in the morning. You wouldn’t be that person who’d talk to me whenever I looked like I’ve been crushed. You wouldn’t be the person that’d save me. It’s not that I don’t want you to, It’s that I know for a fact that you don’t want to. And I know that you deserve better than me. Colorful things would be better off with colorful people as well, and I am a plain black canvas. I know that you would never like me back, and I’ve started to accept that. I know that you’d be better off without me, anyway. It’s not like you like me back, too.
Even though we can never be, I’ve leaned a lot from you, and I’m thankful of that. It was a pleasure to have you taint my mind with your colors, and I hope I did. I hope that you’ll find someone. Someone that can not only taint you, but can color you fully. A person that will make you complete. And let me just tell you that that person would be very lucky.
Color the world more. It’s becoming dull.
(Tainted, 10-20-14. (c) A.G. Ciceron)
I know this message is kind of a long one, but it’s true, maybe you’re looking for someone who will paint you with colors and lines, who will give you the complexity you need.
And as for me, I’ll just wait for someone who will be willingly paint my black canvas with different colors I never knew existed. too bad it was not you.
i don’t want to change myself for you. If you want, you change yourself for me, that sounds better.
In a heart beat, I want to feel that there’s love that can never be taken away by anyone. And then, I’d like to hold onto it and wait until it stops.